Naruto 911
by Dragonfly and K-chan
Summary: A meeting between . alSuna and Konoha gone wrong!Read on to find out. Several weddings involved.Eventualy the Akatsuki show up and ruin everything, as if it wasn't ruined enough...Dragonfly
1. The Meeting That Wasn't

A/N: I was bored when I made this…yeah. In case you're wondering, Dark and Kikiru are my madeups that I Roleplay with. They belong to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

"Ok. So here most of _us_ are." Kikiru said as she looked around the room. All the Kunoichi of the allied villages were there from last chuunin exam, where were the men?

Then the door burst open and Dark waltzed in.

Wearing a long, flowing dress made of rose petals with fairy wings attached to the back. And to quite literally top it all of: he was wearing a little crown made of gold.

"I'm a fairy princess!" he announced to the stunned crowd of female Nin while waving a 'magical' wand with an itty golden star at the end.

No one had time to say a thing.

Five seconds later…

Gaara ran into the room at full speed. He launched himself onto Dark and tackled him to the floor. Where he then proceeded with strangling him to death. "TAKE IT OFF!" he shrieked. "TAKE IT OFF YOU BASTARD IT'S MINE!"

"b-but. I… l-look… pretty…in…it!" Dark managed to say in between gasps for air.

Then Naruto and Sasuke walked in. They too were wearing dresses, prom dresses. Naruto's was bright pink with ruffles while Sasuke's was a light purple with a few flowers here and there. He was carrying a hand bag over his shoulder.

"So, Sasuke as I was saying, that one guy at the Ramen shop was sooo Gay."

"Yeah, he was really gay. He was all like being mean to us and stuff, saying that dresses were meant for the "womenfolk" instead of us proud men folk." Sasuke replied, puffing out his chest in a slightly odd way.

"Yeah that stupid fag."

"What are you guys staring at?" Sasuke suddenly asked, realizing that they were now the center of attention for the girls in the big room.

"S-Sasuke!" Sakura cried, quite literally as she burst into tears.

"Oh, I can do that to! S-Sakura! See, it has a funny dramatic appeal to it." Sasuke said laughing.

"Sasuke, why did you s-steal my dress?" she asked between sobs. Standing beside her was a completely speechless Ino.

"Because. I look pretty in it. Prettier than you would ever be, with your icky pink hair." Sasuke replied, making a slight gag to put emphasis on his words.

"WHAT?" Sakura shrieked between the tears.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Ino's been telling you for years but you can't get it through your big wide ugly forehead that. YOU'RE UGLY!" Sasuke explained.

"b-but I t-thought you lo-loved me!" she whined.

"Love? LOVE?" he yelled laughing once." Don't talk to me about something that you could never understand. YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" he yelled at the tear-stained Sakura. "I had always been alone since that big old meanie-poo Itachi what's-his-face killed my clan. I had always thought I was alone in this cruel, cruel world. As if no one cared for me!"

"I cared."

"Shut up! And no one understood me. Then, I net this funny snake man who gave me some wonderful magic candy that killed me inside. After that, I realized something."

"What?"

"Shut up Sakura! I'm getting to the best part! I finally realized that I... I … I am GAAAAAYY!" HE YELLED OUT.

"Noooooooooooooooo!" several Sasuke-obsessed fan girls cried out (but only Sakura was the one that mattered)

"Yes! And I've already found true love!" Sasuke yelled out.


	2. Sasuke's True Love

A/N: I was bored when I made this…yeah. In case you're wondering, Dark and Kikiru are my madeups that I Roleplay with. They belong to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

"and my true love came to me as a orange-clad ramen loving freak called Uzumaki Naruto!" he yelled dramatically, twirling around to face Naruto where he got down on his knees and pulled out from his handbag a small black velvet box.

"Naruto-kun, baby. Will you marry me?" he asked in a deep serious loving tone. Opening the box that held a ring that made both Ino and Sakura pass out.

"Oh sasuke love, YES!" Naruto yelled. In the background, Hinata fainted and hit her head on the floor earning her a minor concussion. Nobody cared; they hardly ever noticed her anyways.

Several harsh moments of total surprise and silence then.

"Get off me!"Dark Gasped.

"No! Its mine! MY DRESS! GIVE IT BACK! Yashamaru gave it to me back when I was a little girl!" Gaara yelled, having a fit.

"Hey. You were a little girl once?"

"Maybe…."

Dark smiled. "Wow! Me too! What a coincidence! I thought I'd never meet another man like myself! Let's- Get- Married!" Dark yelled enthusiastically.

Instantly Gaara was ten feet away from him staring at him with a horrified ewww look on his face. "Ok. Ok. A lot of you "guys" may be gay but, guess what? I'm not. I'm perfectly straight and intend to keep it that way, _forever_. I only came in here for two reasons." He said sternly, crossing his arms with a "you can't change me" expression on his face. "I came here for the dress that you stole from me. How you knew I kept it in the pirate treasure box under my bed, I'll never know."

"I was looking for treasure, duh!" Dark replied making a stupid face.

"Wait… you said two reasons." Naruto said, speaking up.

"Yeah _dude_ what's the second reason." Sasuke asked, mischievous smile on his face.

"Ok. One thing first." Gaara said.

"What?" Sasuke asked excited.

"Don't call me 'dude'. I'm not one of your gay homies.ok?"

"Aww man. I lost one of my homies!" Sasuke cried. Naruto moved over to him and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's ok. Tonight we'll get drunk and forget all about!"

"You got that right, hunny-bunny!" sasuke replied." Ok. The second reason was.' Gaara said as his stomach rumbled. 'I heard you guys had cake and cookies. And I was hungry so I came over." Gaara said innocently.

"Speaking of food, _I'm_ on a diet." Chouji said, waddling into the room.


	3. The Bridesmaids

A/N: I was bored when I made this…yeah. In case you're wondering, Dark and Kikiru and Jachiam are my madeups that I Roleplay with. They belong to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

"Speaking of food, I'm on a diet!" Chouji announced, waddling into the room. he was waddling not because he was fat, but because he was wearing a black dress that was so tight he could hardly breathe or walk. The dress was a long flowing black one that went all the way down to his high-heels. Shikamaru followed in after him. He was wearing a poodle skirt with a pink top. That's right, a poodle skirt.

"This is _such _a _drag_. " Shikamaru moaned.

Naruto smiled as he spotted Chouji. "Hey Chouji, wearing a black dress does make you look skinny!" Naruto said cheerfully.

"LOOK? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING, LIKE I'M FAT!" Chouji shrieked, waving a gloved hand in front of Naruto's face.

Instantly Sasuke slid in front of Naruto, shielding him from Chouji's wrath. "DON'T CHOO YELL AT ME LOVE!" he yelled, shaking a fist.

The mood changed instantly.

"Oh my god! You're getting married!" Chouji said merrily, smile lighting up his now rosy cheeks.

"Oooh, two more lovebirds!" Neji said, twirling in Ballerina style for indeed he was wearing a tutu. (Pale pink if I must add, to further strengthen your vision) lee leapt in after him, wearing a green leotard covered in lotus.

"WTF?" Ten-Ten shrieked, eyeballs popping out of her sockets, mouth dropped floor level.

"Alas we bring good news from the wonderful land of youthfulness." Lee and Neji said at the same time, taking center stage they did the 'nice guy' pose together. "from the country of Rock."

"y-you mean to tell me that y...you both ran here from the rock country to tell us the news?" Ten-ten asked, horrified.

"Yosh!" Neji answered.

"And we didn't even sweat a drop!"

"We aren't breathing hard either!"

"Isn't the power of youthful spring time wonderful Neji?"

"YOSH!" he replied nodding.

Ten-ten just stood there, horrified.

"You should join us sometime ten-ten. Instead of being so boring." Lee said in a odd freaky voice.

"Yosh ten-ten. Join us." Neji added, byakugan eyes shining in the dim lit room.

"JOIN US, JOIN US. JOIN US. JOIN US AND WITNESS THE POWER OF YOUTH. YOUTH. YOUTH. JOIN US!" the freaky twosome commanded eyes big and wide as dinner plates.

"AHHHH!" she screamed running straight into the door, it was locked. Everyone watched as ten-tens unconscious body slid to the ground.

"So dudes, what news do you bring us from the country of rocks?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, like you know how this is the site for the wedding today?" Lee asked.

"Yeah, yeah!" Naruto said, head bobbing.

"Well, Asuma sensei and Gai sensei are the bridesmaids!" Lee and Neji squealed, hugging each other jumping for joy.

"Lee."

"Yes Neji?"

"Quick, let's do a hundred laps around Konoha for celebration!"

"Make it a thousand and it's a done deal!"

"Yosh!" Neji replied, jumping.

"All right boy wonder, away to the bat cave!" Lee yelled pointing towards the exit door. They both ran out, taking extra care to trod on Ten-tens unconscious body on the way out.

"Ooooo-kaaay." Temari said happy to see the two freaks leave. "What was that all about?"

"Oh, like you haven't heard?" Chouji asked.

"Ermmm no."

"Well, there's going to be a wedding and we're all invited."

"Ok. Now that we know the bridesmaids, who's the groom and bride?" Kikiru asked, speaking for the first time. (She had just gotten out of shock.)

Well… hmmm, who are the bride and groom? Here are the likely candidates:

Kakashi

Jiraiya

Kurenai

Iruka

Ebisu

Mizuki

Tsunade

Shizune

Plus, where is Shino, Kiba, Kankurou and wait…who cares about Baki? XD

Who's the lucky pair? Read on to find out….


	4. The Unlucky Gai

A/N: first I have to say this: oh my god, I can't believe my boredness inspired me to right something about gay Naruto characters… jeez I need to find a better hobby. And second, this chapter is kinda for my friend Allana cause I know how much she looooves Mizuki(not). Another thing.. LEAVE COMMENTS!I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK..ACTUALLY I WANT TO KNOW.. SAME THING.. By now you should know that Dark and Kikiru are my madeups that I Roleplay with. They belong to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

"I'm here!" Gai yelled as he burst into the room, jumping for joy. Sadly, the instant Gai's 'manly' feet touched the ground, he had the luck to slip and fall on a feather. He crashed to the ground in a tangled heap of 'manly beauty'.

"OMG! Mr. Gai!" Asuma yelled running in after Gai. "is it bad? Please tell me."

"No! Stay away, you can't see me!"

"Why?"

"Be-because! My manly beauty… it's ruined!" Gai cried, bursting into tears on the ground.

"What … what ever could have happened? What could've destroyed your manly beauty?" Asuma asked in a high-pitched caring tone.

"Me nose! The ground broke me nose! He hates me!" Gai yelled, standing up on shaking legs, back turned to all watching, blood and tears streaming down his face.

"Oh my god, that bastard!" Asuma shrieked.

"I shall get you ground you hear me? I SHALL GET YOU!MOMMY! I HAVE A BOO-BOO!" Gai screamed as he ran out of the room.

Asuma banged his head against the wall, tears streaming down his face. "Why? WHY GOD WHYYYYYYY?" he shrieked falling on his knees facing the door. "Where will I ever find another man that's perfect for this job?"

"Yeah, that's right you gay freak! Run home to your mommy like the little freak-girl you are!" A voice yelled as the door to the building slammed shut.

Mizuki walked in, wearing a long flowing pink kimono that was decorated with cranes holding roses in their mouths. "What's my name, bitches?" Mizuki shouted to the room filled with young Nin.

"Oh my god! It's that guy that tried to kill me three times!" Naruto sobbed in Sasuke's arms.

Then, some random person in the crowd shouted out "it's two, two times!"

"Shut up you Naruto-obsessed fan! Can-t you see my love is having a horrible breakdown here?" Sasuke yelled back, hugging Naruto in a sweet gay-embrace.

"oh I see, my evil cough I mean unbelievably nice appearance already has people bowing down to me wishing for my forgiveness cough I mean respect." Mizuki said, looking down at Asuma who was still on his knees.

Tears streaming from his eyes Asuma replied. "The quit-smoking gods, they have answered my prayers! You're perfect for a bridesmaid!"

"Really? I'll take the job! Who's getting married?"

"Iruka-kun and Kakashi-kun!"

Sorry.. I couldn't think of much.  Next we have the music player and the animal freak! LEAVE ME COMMENTS!


	5. New Homie

A/N: first I have to say this: oh my god, I can't believe my boredness inspired me to right something about gay Naruto characters… jeez I need to find a better hobby.. Another thing.. LEAVE COMMENTS!I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK..ACTUALLY I WANT TO KNOW.. SAME THING.. By now you should know that Dark and Kikiru are my madeups that I Roleplay with. They belong to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

"Well, at least that couple is biologically safe." Kiba said as he walked into the room. He was dressed as… a school girl, short plaid miniskirt, tight white shirt, wide wire rimmed glasses, and a feminine tie. Walking along beside him on a pink leash was Akamaru who had around his neck a big, frilly bow.

"Oh, how so, Kiba-kun?" Shino asked as he followed. He was wearing his usual suit but with a twist. His outfit was pitch black and he had on funny shiny black shoes.

"Well. They won't produce any nasty little children. As you know, my friend, children are one of the main causes of pollution along with careless adults." Kiba informed his 'friend' in a teacher-like voice.

A guy was following the two and making odd signs. "Hrmm. Kankurou appears to be saying 'too true'." Shino interpreted. Kankurou, was dressed up like a mime and acting like one too.

"Glad someone agrees with me." Kiba said glumly. Then he smiled when he saw the other 'men' (Sasuke and his gay homies more like it…except for Gaara…speaking of which…) "hi!"

"Hrmm… Kankurou says:'yo dudes and dudettes, what happening?' I just say yo though." Shino said, reading Kankurou's signs.

"Yo homies! Whas up?" Naruto yelled.

"Hey ya'll its more of my gay homies!" Sasuke added.

"Damn right! That's what Kankurou says." Shino interpreted as Sasuke and Naruto met the three.

"So, me and my babe are getting married. I know you three have been thinking about it?" Sasuke pointed out.

"True." Kiba said nodding. "I mean we all do love each other, cheers!" Kiba said as Kankurou hugged Shino and Kiba. "But it just like, wouldn't work out. I mean, me and Shino here live in Konoha live in the same village and we're always together, but we couldn't leave Kankurou-kun out of. He lives in Suna and he would have to ditch his brother and sister and that would be mean cause little Gaara-kun just got promoted to Kazekage-"

"Don't rub it in." Naruto pouted.

"Oh but Naruto Kun, you'll be there someday." Kiba said hopefully.

"Shut up! By order of the future Hokage!" Naruto yelled.

"Future Hokage? As if that would ever happen.' Gaara said walking over to them.

The five sighed, Gaara was no fun. Instantly Kankurou began miming something and had Shino confused for several seconds, until it hit him. Quite literally as Kankurou hit him in the back. "Oh! I get it now!" Shino whispered. "Oy Gaara, Kankurou says they have some delectable desserts in the kitchen, ready for eats."

"really?" Gaara said as he rushed of to the kitchen.

"Well, that got rid of him." Sasuke said smiling. Then he frowned. "but still, I lost one of my homies…"

Kiba looked at him. "really? Don't despair! This morning, I personally saw Akamaru making love with another dog, male!"

"Really? Welcome to the family Dawg!" Sasuke squealed bending down to Akamaru.

Just then, voices exploded from the kitchen. "Hey! You're not supposed to be in here!"

"Yes I am, I'm the kazekage! And I order you to tell me what food you have!"

"Ermmm... Cake…"

"CAKE!MUST EAT CAKE RAWRRRR!"

"AHHHH!"

"Well. Sounds like we're going to have trouble on our hands later…" Shino said.

Sorry if Akamaru seems wrong... I couldn't think of much.  Next we have oh I don't know… I need more Ideas. Although I do have some funny ones involving Akatsuki…! LEAVE ME COMMENTS!


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